19.1.12

When nothing goes right, go left?


I hate that saying. I hate it. Like it would be that easy. It's not.

Today.. Today has been a bit more, lets say, challenging day for me. I can't fight the tears, even though I'd try, I'm tired all the time and when I go to sleep I usually fall asleep with wet cheeks. I hate the feeling, it feels like you'd swallow a pill with out any water and it'd get stuck in your throat. It feels like I can't breathe stop strangling me.
 

I had a fight with my mum - actually nowadays we always have. It takes all my strenght away, and we're only three in my family, so it's really hard to be around anybody when you're mad at someone. Sometimes the atmosphere is so tense that you could cut it with a diamond. It feels like my mum has changed. We used to be quite close, then I started to have the need to have my personal space and every since we've been not that close anymore. It's quite sad, considering that she's the only one I have. I miss those long conversations with her, about stuff like from where does the space begin and where does it end? It feels so bad, to just walk around the house, just talking to my sister, and my mum's downstair watching tv and when I go downstairs to get something to drink, she doesn't even look at me. And sometimes she says things that really hurt me, but she doesn't see that. Sometimes her words are like bullets going straight through my heart.

"How can you say that?"
"I didn't say anything."
"Stop it, leave me alone!"


I'm so insecure. I didn't use to be - I actually liked the way I looked and I was happy with my size and face. Nowadays? I cry in the morning because I feel so ugly. Uglyuglyuglyuglyugly! I'm going to get braces - I will look like a monster. My hair isn't really "rich" if that's how you want to say it. I look stupid when I smile. I have a really long neck. Maybe I should eat less candy? I'll try that. Everyone's so pretty and beautiful. Everyone's flawless. I feel like my whole world is falling apart and there's nothing I can do about it.

I need a boyfriend, just throwing it out there.

THANK YOU ALL YOU 5 FOLLOWERS, IT MEANS ALOT TO ME. <3